Writers are Assholes
The cat walked up to me, out of the blue. “I want to be a writer,” he said. I slammed my special writing pen with the puffy pink feathers onto […]
Dank Meme, Marching Dragon
Yesterday, I heard a noise like a hundred cats being strangled in the back of a moving van that was driving down the highway constantly blowing the air horn. I […]
Fair-trade Underwear and Cruelty-free Gussets
This whole “fair-trade” and “cruelty-free” issue has been popping off since last week, when I came back from Neiman-Marcus with a gorgeous, puffy pink chiffon dress still on the hanger. I […]
Have a Berry Mary Valentine!
Despite the fact that Valentine’s Day is banned in every Muslim country, all 47,061 states in America, and the Vatican, this cherished holiday has always been celebrated in the little village where […]
Three Free Books on Valentine’s Day!
Against my better judgement and the advice of my accountant, my lawyer (and his lawyer), but most importantly––the cat-–I have decided to provide two free ebooks during the national holiday […]
Paperback of SpaceBook Awakens now available
The physical version of “SpaceBook Awakens” is now available at Amazon for $11.99. Thousands of trees gave their lives for each copy, so have some respect, okay? SpaceBook Awakens $11.99
SpaceBook Awakens Now Available!
The third book in the Amy Armstrong series is now available in ebook format. SpaceBook Awakens follows Amy as she is separated from her friends in 1912 California, where she […]
The Lady Doth Protest
Mother says it’s unladylike to raise my voice, but when I tell her I’m not a lady, she locks me in the laundry room for three days with only a […]
Self-Published Author Refuses to Stand for National Anthem; World Still Turns
SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA, USA, EARTH, September 9, 2016––A self-acclaimed, self-published author disturbed several passing mallards and caused an elderly Corgi to become dispeptic today, by refusing to stand as the Star-Spangled […]
Empire of the Space Cats now available!
The second book in the Amy Armstrong series, Empire of the Space Cats, is now available at Amazon in ebook format for $2.99. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01L4UGVMK Paperback: $11.99 https://www.createspace.com/6542797 In Empire of […]
The Girl Who Stole A Planet Now Available!
Jeff Bezos agreed to publish my book, and he’s smarter and better-looking than the three point five people reading this post (per the Constitution, ducks are only half a people). […]
Gotta Catch-22 ‘Em All
I’ve never told anyone this, but I’m a victim of child abuse. When mother lets me walk to the drug store, I never fail to meet a handful of nine […]
Emergency Ice Cream Delivery
Ever since the King of America declared that eating ice cream is a fundamental human right, my frozen treat business has more headaches than a woodpecker without his helmet. You’d […]
All I Got From Paris Was Fleas
Mother went on a howling tirade last week after I found her stash of “liquid medicine” in the conservatory, made “Molotov cocktails” and threw them all at the “cat.” As […]
Sexy Amish Girls: The Reckoning
Father ran away from home at the tender age of thirty-two, after mother left the ziti on the stove too long. Not counting that stain on the couch, he left my […]
Best New Year with Amish Cheerleaders and Crap
Mother said I couldn’t walk downtown to watch the fireworks on New Year’s Eve because I might get jumped by Mexicans and sold to a Juarez cat house, but she […]
Hot Christmas Babes
Christmas is a traditional American holiday when families gather in the desert for a week, strip off our clothes, and take bags of drugs. By removing the trappings of civilization (and our […]
