Stop Me Before I Write Again

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A flurry of one-star reviews have appeared after a week-long promotion where I gave away 2,800 copies of The Amish Spaceman. This negative attitude toward my writing was quite confusing, due to the fact that my novel was certified as “comedy gold” by the American Dental Association and four out of five chiropractors that live on my street. If anyone knows the secret to making people laugh it’s got to be them. I immediately researched other book reviews from these negative “one-star desperados” and found they were not easily pleased when it came to works of literature and kitchen utensils. All of this is public information, so stop telling people I’m a stalker, Mom.

Other Reviews Given by These One Star Desperados:

51Aan9-b7oL._AA160_Of Mice and Men, John Steinbeck (1 of 5 stars)

“OMG so boring and long just watch the movie already. No mice anywhere.”
— Cathcart1985

 

 

51VzPsFeuLL._AA160_The New Testament, New International Version (1 of 5 stars)

“Main character disappears early in the book (dead? not sure). Feels like a hodge-podge of different authors. Waited for main character to come back and it just ends.”
–DoogieMadamz 

51H8yMtRbuL._AA160_Goosebumps #51: Beware, the Snowman, by R. L. Stine (1 of 5 stars)

“Thin plot and shallow characters. No payoff at the end. Did not laugh once. Content would be more appropriate in a children’s book.”
— Richard Roberts

 

41G3BGl4wUL._AA160_Jurassic Park, Michael Crichton (1 of 5 stars)

“Read the whole book and the dinosaurs didn’t even win. No such place as ‘Isla Nublar.’ Can’t believe this garbage.”
–Poogie Bear

 

6174rL7drQL._AA160_The Dinner Doctor, Anne Byrn (1 of 5 stars)

“An excellent read and great help to the kitchen staff in revitalizing the daily cuisine. Regrettably, I have to give the book one star due to several split infinitives in the introduction, and also because the beastly delivery man hurled the package containing the book through our front window, striking the dog in the face.” — Colonel R. M. Selby (Mrs.)

 

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